Closing of Tantra Sacred Massage™ - 2003 - 2016

Personal message from Ma Anand Leandra

Dear Friends, Students and Clients,

It is with great sadness that I have to inform you all that I am closing down my Tantra Sacred Massage™ practice due to health reasons. Most of you will have noticed that I was not very active last year, and in fact was not very active the year before either. In fact, over the last 5 years or so, I have been running on a slow steam engine instead of the fast train I had been on before! This personal message to you all is to give you an idea of why this has been so.

I said at the beginning I am closing my practice mainly due to my failing health. Let me however, first of all mention what has been going on from an interest in tantric work perspective. 

Over the last years, I have noticed a change in the people interested in Tantra Sacred Massage™...or should I rather say tantric massage in general. I find more and more men are simply looking for a nice sensual massage with a happy ending given by a young, slender and physically attractive woman. I know this, as when they write to me (or SMS or WhatsApp) this is the kind of message I get. Gone are the times when I was approached with respect and perhaps even awe, showing that the client is aware of the fact that I (or my practitioners) were not offering anonymous erotic massage. While I still get requests from couples asking for support with their intimate relations or relationship difficulties, as well as individual men and women with personal difficulties with intimacy, the core number of requests has slowly become more erotic in nature. 

While there is no problem with this from a moral perspective as far as I am concerned, I have always made a clear differentiation to what we were offering, namely therapeutic, sexological and/or spiritual work. Our effort was in teaching and empowering individuals and couples to greater personal freedom in their lives as well as a gateway to growing a more spiritual outlook on life in general. This was done through Tantra Sacred Massage™, a particular form of tantric massage which I designed exactly for the above purpose. Resorting to giving erotic massage as a form of income was not an option to me and slowly I began to realise that a total change of focus was needed in order to keep on attracting individuals who were interested in personal growth and spirituality in one way or another.

I have also found that my plan to grow a team of affiliate practitioners has not worked! This has been particularly hard to digest as it was my dream, my vision to leave behind younger men and women offering this work to old and future clients. While this works very well in Germany (my tantric home), it has not worked for us here in South Africa. The reasons for this are numerous and it is of no avail to go into that anymore now. 

The point is that, although I persevered, my efforts did not bring the fruits I was hoping for. There is no point in repeating the same thing time and time again without getting the results I was looking for!

So over these last  years, Existence was showing me that I needed to change something, that my energy was being sucked out of me without me getting the necessary returns, both personally and financially.

In September 2015 a large mango sized tumor was discovered in my abdomen. This had to be removed and when this was done another was discovered in addition. It took me 3 months to heal from this large operation, during which time I was nursed at home on a daily basis. 

While still in ICU and again after my return home which put me once again in ICU, I suffered from what was thought to be a heart attack. I had great difficulty breathing and my oxygen count lowered dangerously. The problem with this was that nothing could be found as to why it happened. It was not a heart attack and left all the physicians who had attended to me raising their shoulders with a sigh and nothing to say!

This was when I thought of Chronic Lyme Disease. Avril Lavigne (the pop singer) had just "come out" with the fact that she suffered from Chronic Lyme Disease and some detail of her suffering was made public. Subsequently it has become known that a number of celebrities and politicians (including George Bush and Tom Cruise) have suffered from it. This encouraged me to wonder if the cause of my supposed "heart attacks" was not related to Chronic Lyme Disease. 

I remembered my tick bite some 30 years ago where I had the typical "bulls-eye" and roaming rash symptoms to early Lyme Disease, and started to research online for more details. Every single physician and all the doctors whom I had asked to look into this had refused, the main reason being " I don't have the time". A disgusting state of affairs, considering that Chronic or Last Stage Lyme Disease is the fastest growing disease world wide, growing at a rate about 7 times faster than the early days of HIV Aids! It has now reached pandemic proportions and is still, globally, not recognised as a disease. There is no real treatment program for it and medical aids all over the world do not, or only reluctantly, pay for treatment. If they do, the payment is not in proportion to the costs incurred by those who suffer.

After a variety of symptoms became worse after my operation and weeks and weeks of intensive online researching on Australian, American, British and German websites and patient groups, my list of symptoms matched the longest lists of symptoms I found online. Finally I knew what had caused my breathing difficulty and all the other rather strange symptoms I had experienced over the years as well as serious illnesses I had gone through, all of which were treated individually! 

I found a doctor who was willing to take me on, homeopathic with supplements, and have since then been in remission. The unofficial treatment is up to 2 years and more of taking 4 antibiotics, one of which has to be given intravenously. I decided against this and went with the natural method other patients and some doctors who were experienced in the treatment of this disease were recommending.

So having said all that, a couple of the symptoms of Chronic Lyme Disease are extreme fatigue, short term memory loss and depression. This and other symptoms left me incapable of keeping up the pace I had held some years ago. It took me months of thinking about stopping work altogether before I was able to embrace the idea. 

It has been so rewarding and such a pleasure to offer this wonderful path to so many of you since starting in 2003, I felt guilty about stopping. Other than Anel in Johannesburg, I have no heirs to continue, in one way or another, what I was teaching. I felt so very sad about this. Finally, however, I had to succumb to the fact that I couldn't continue as I was going through phases of being bedridden owing to my symptoms. 

I also had to envisage some kind of future for myself. Where to from now? What meaning can I still find in life if I was so incapacitated? While pondering my options, another challenge presented itself: my marriage came to an end with divorce proceedings initiated. At the same time, the hard drive on my laptop broke down and a data recovery was not possible - all my documents of years and years of my work before and after Tantra was lost forever! A devastating blow. It seemed to me that Existence was pushing me forward to a completely new lifestyle. I had to find something to live for.

During a visit to my daughter and grandchildren, my vision of the future became clear. The decision to move to Vienna where they live came through with a vengeance. It was as a spiritual exhortation and suddenly I had a new zest for life, a willingness to go on and to master the Lyme, a reason to live into the future. Finally I could embrace the fact that I could not work anymore, that my practice of Tantra Sacred Massage™ had come to a natural end. 

The time was ripe for a deeper spiritual search and this is where I find myself today. This is ongoing and perhaps one day I will be in a position to write about where this search will have taken me. I am managing the Chronic Lyme Disease by not taking on more than one thing a day (no more multi-tasking, no more managing different things at the same time). My studio in Harfield Village is closed and I am busy selling furniture and belongings, getting ready for Vienna where I already have a flat close to my daughter. At 64 years old, I feel this is a great opportunity to focus on family as well as on my writing and a little painting. No longer able to paint in oils because of the toxins, I am limited to water color as a medium, but it will give me a chance to develop that proficiently. 

I hope I have given you all sufficient background to my decision. My intention with this rather long explanation is to bring Chronic Lyme Disease closer to home for those with unexplained symptoms. Also to give you an idea of what I have always taught: take the hints Existence gives you, or else they will become bigger and louder until you have no option to do what you need to do, and to do what Existence asks of you. For me it has been a huge journey, one filled with pain and difficulty, but with this beautiful outcome. 

My granddaughters bring spirit and joy into my life. The love I feel for them is like nothing else I have known. It is different to being a mother and I am enjoying it immensely. There is so much knowledge and experience in me from all my professional work which I hope to be able to put into book form and I am hoping to find a way to still continue communicating with you all: a blog or regular newsletter with articles about relationships, intimacy and Tantra...something like that.

Thank you all...a huge thank you for giving so much, for allowing me to touch your lives in one way or another, for letting me share in your lives, I think the person who has profited the most from all these years of meeting and working with you is me! You have shared so much with me. I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I feel to have been able to offer you the spiritual path that uplifted me years and years ago. It has been a wonderful journey!

Until sometime in the future in some way we meet again....

With love,
(Ma Anand Leandra)

Cape Town, 25th January 2016